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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, Ok, I'll bite since you don't seem to understand that people are telling the truth about minding their own business and having their own friends.

I can be perceived as a mean mom because I have a well-established group of friends who I enjoy hanging out with and whose kids are my friends' kids. I also have a job, two kids who have lots of activities, and a husband who travels a fair amount for work. The truth is that I have absolutely no bandwidth for any more friends, although I'm happy to say hello to anyone. But on the rare occasions that I come to pick up or go to a school event, I want to talk to my friends, who I miss and feel like I don't see often enough. I don't want to talk to Larla who I don't even know and don't have time to be friends with.

If I seem standoffish, it is because I don't feel like making stupid small talk with someone I don't want to get to know better. At this point in my life, I have enough friends and can't possibly make room for any more. And maybe, yes, you are awkard, or annoying, or have rubbed me the wrong way somehow at some point. Why would we want to get to know each other in this case? Find your own friends who don't find you uninteresting or abrasive, or whatever. Find people who actually want to find friends, not people like me who are up to their ears in life and can't handle one more relationship. I'm positive that I myself have rubbed people the wrong way, or haven't made the best impression and then haven't become friends with them. But guess what? I'm not obsessing over it on DCUM. I've moved on and found my own group of supportive, nice friends. [/quote]

Do you have any idea how rotten this is?   [/quote]

There's a HUGE gap between completely ignoring someone new and investing in long conversations with the intention of becoming friends.

In between those two extremes is . . . wait for it . . . being kind . . . by looking at someone and warmly saying hi to them when you see them.

This costs you absolutely nothing and is not some sign that you're open to being someone's new best friend.  Nor does it in any way mean you're now responsible for them or that they're now on your "To Do" list of obligations or relationships.

It's literally just conjuring a smile and a greeting.

And by the way, so what if you find someone uninteresting or abrasive?  Again, I get that you don't want to be that person's friend.  But is it actually a reason to shun them?  How hard is it really to look someone in the eye and say hi with a smile?

Even someone with minimal social skills knows how to do this.  And if small talk isn't your thing, it's fine.  Keep it simple.  Maybe you really will have to ask them a question about their kid or the shared activity or event where you've run into each other.  You can do that, I'm sure.

None of this is a commitment to friendship - it's just being polite.  For those who see these things in a purely transactional way, my experience is that it costs absolutely nothing to be warm and friendly.  It's easy, it brings kindness to the situation, and there's no risk of getting sucked in if you know how to keep it light. People get that.  They just want to be treated as human beings -- not your BFF.

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