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[quote=Anonymous]I've been reading through this.  I hate to say it, but the wife lobbed a bomb into this marriage that can't be undone.  I'd like to think that by this point, she would have been more than aware that her husband, the OP, had no interest in this kind of thing.  Now it can't be unsaid.

This is probably harsh, but Jesus, think about it from the non-interested spouses's perspective.  The wife clearly indicated she wanted to do this, which will always be there.  Now what?  Every time she goes out with her friends for a drink and is home a bit late, or has to work late, it is always going to be in the back of the other spouses mind.  Did she really just go out with friends?  Is she really working late?  This isn't a possessive thing or a jealousy thing, its human nature to be suspicious of everything going forward when and if a spouse indicates this kind of desire.  And it is horribly unfair to put the OP, or any spouse, in that kind of situation.  Does he now insist that she answer his texts and phone calls immediately, or only go out with friends if he goes too?  That's unfair to her, but you kind of bring that shit on yourself when you do something like this.  The OP can literally not win, no spouse on their end can.  You either accept it and become the jilted spouse while you other half sleeps around, or you put your foot down, look like a controlling jerk, and it is always there and you always have to wonder.

Put this situation aside for a second and think generally.  If you tell any non-interested spouse, man or woman, that you'd like their opinion on opening up the marriage, how do you then follow that up by wanting to go out without them, and not expect them to be suspicious of your motivations basically forever? It is not possible.  She has ruined any trust in this matter.  It isn't possessiveness or jealousy when you [u]gave them a good reason[/u] to feel this way about you.  And that's just a night out, can you imagine if there's a business trip?  At the very least the spouse would have a good case for saying he doesn't want the swinger friends hanging out with them anymore.

People trying to explain her actions away ignore how selfish the OP's wife was.  She should have either not gotten married, or kept it to herself and figured out a way to handle it without cheating.  Jesus, especially with young children.  She has needs?  Masturbate and fantasize.  People ask "should she have just kept quiet and cheated?"  No, she should have had the common sense to realize there are more important things, or at least have the common decency to get divorced first like a mature adult.  She knew exactly what she was doing planting this seed.

Speaking of divorce, the kids are young now, but can you imagine that conversation when they become older teenagers and are ready for the truth?  Why did you guys get divorced?  Because your mother decided that rather than keeping the family together, and raising her young kids together, with a devoted spouse, she decided it was more important to plant major seeds of doubt and then live out her sex fantasies.  Yeah, enjoy your kids hating you for that for the rest of your life.  Is anyone here expecting the OP to keep quiet about the "real reasons?"  I wouldn't expect any spouse on his end of things to hide the truth when the kids are old enough.

This isn't just about this situation, this applies to any spouse, man or woman who would do this to their partner.  If I sound angry I don't mean to come off that way but I don't think I'm off by much. I think this is exactly where this is all heading eventually unless the OP is trolling.  I think his wife is a real jerk.[/quote]

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