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[quote=Anonymous]OP here, and wow.....we had a very productive meeting! (And I feel so much better.....) Here's a rundown, both to close the loop on this and perhaps give some information to those of you who might go through something similar with your parents:

1) Returning to the assisted living facility is not an option. Each applicant goes through an assessment to see if it is necessary, and my mother would not qualify. (She qualified as the spouse of someone who needed it, but she alone is ineligible.)

2) The wellness director said that my mother was doing pretty well at the two-week mark, and that she has been going to activities and exercise class!! (What?? My mother never told me that, and when I tried to encourage her, she said she'd try. She never said she had been going.) I was so relieved to hear that.

3) As far as getting her a 3x a week aide, the director thought it was premature. She advised a full 6 months' adjustment period, and then we could reassess the need. But she did tell me that the staff is pro-active on that type of thing, and they do recommend aides for their residents - when they feel it necessary - even when the adult children or the resident themselves does not bring it up.

4) About the meals: I was very impressed with what she told me. She said that the dining room staff tracks all residents, and if any one does not show up for a meal AND does not order room service instead (IOW, they missed a meal completely), a staff member does a wellness check. She was aware that my mother was taking all meals in her apartment (and that I was ordering room service), and she said not to worry about it: She's eating enough, and that as my mother made friends, she would feel more comfortable eating in the dining room.

5) About her reluctance to adjust the shower temp: The director though Mom could adjust the temp but was afraid of taking a shower unattended - a common fear among elderly. (I didn't know that.) And apparently, they have "visiting aides" who help residents with their showers, if needed, for a modest fee. We now have my mother on a schedule for a twice weekly shower (which the director said was sufficient.)

6) About the cat: The director thought it could be beneficial, but not now. Again, revisit that decision in 6 months.

7) And finally, the director did say she would arrange for the visiting counselor (apparently, they have a visiting counselor too) to assess her mood and work with the doctor to see if an adjustment to meds are needed.

8) I didn't bring up the TV or the trash. Seems relatively unimportant. As long as my mom is getting her meals, participating in activities, gets her 2x a week shower, and of course has her pendant for emergencies, I guess that's quite good at this point.

So that's where we stand. My sister and I spoke with my mom afterward, and told her that we discovered that going back to the AL facility is not an option, and that we think she should give herself more time to adjust. She reluctantly agreed. I also told her we got good feedback from the director that she is making a nice adjustment, given the sad circumstances.

Anyway, thanks to everyone for your support, insights, and suggestions. It's been a very rough time, coming on the heels of watching my father's heart-wrenching decline toward death, and everyone is tired  - Mom, my sister, and myself. Having you all "here" was very helpful.

P.S. She seemed to have forgotten all about the cat. Hooray. 
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