Reply to I think I regret having kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]And to add--NO ONE GETS TO judge for your regret. But how you behave and live with the situation is completely in your control.[/quote]

My mother comes a culture and generation where having children was expected. If she had been born 20 years younger in the West, she would've made different choices. I think that she would've chosen to not have children or only one child later in life. As an adult, I can see this about her.

But growing up, she was a good mom and we are still close today. She was good mother not because she loved motherhood but because she was willing to do the things that good parents do regardless of her personal feelings about the situation. She always tried her best, prioritized my (and my siblings') well-being, and was there for us.

It's fine to have regrets about having children. It's not like you can truly know what having a child is like until you have one. What's important is how you conduct yourself and behave towards the children that you do have. Good parenting is about what you do, not how you feel.  
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And for another perspective, my mother hated being a parent and *didn't* do the things good parents do or prioritize her children's well-being. It was clear she was avoiding being with us and counting the minutes to bedtime and the days until we grew up and left. It sucked being her kid then, it sucked having to learn how to be a decent parent with my own kids (I learned a lot of things the hard way) and it sucks now that she is old and expects us to care for her.

OP, I applaud you for being honest about your feelings. Parenting little ones is so hard. I will also add this: Good decision or no, you've created these vulnerable little people whose lives and emotional well-being depend on you and your husband. Try to care for yourself as best you can so you make them feel wanted and loved. Get therapy if you need it, or household help, or whatever breaks help you stay sane. The "reward" of having loving relationships with them when they're older will only happen if you manage this somehow. As others have said, it does get easier when they are a little older and less needy. Hugs and good luck.[/quote]

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