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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I was wondering if the OP was black or Hispanic. My sister married a multi-racial black man (white father, black mother, middle to upper middle class) and his mom’s side of the  family is very appearance-obsessed. The right brands, the right look/up to date clothes, hair, nails, makeup, etc. and it starts early - especially for girls. I hear a lot of “your child is an extension of you” when they talk about kids. I guess it has to do with avoiding racism or people assuming that you’re poor because of your race. [/quote]

+1. We (families of color) will be extra scrutinized if our children do not look put together. OUr parenting will be questioned. We were raised by parents who were on the extreme receiving ends of this. This is also why you will see people of color be dressed up when going to the doctor's office. [/quote]

Yup, I think this is a lot of it. When my kids look like slobs, people are like "weird hippie parents letting their kids dress themselves;" when POC's kids look like slobs, people are like "oh, those poor kids/terrible parents/probably on drugs/feed their kids crap/whatever." The double-standard is real and sucks and I totally understand why it leads some POCs to make their kids' appearances a hill to die on when I do not.[/quote]

+1[/quote]

+1.
As a white mom who's been tagged "weird hippie parent" I've been hit with the judgemental comments from black moms at school, and it took me a lot of deep breaths to tell myself "there are double standards, and they have to care, so they project that onto me, hence the nastiness. Let it slide, and it's ok not to change your entire philosophy of what matters just to please those moms."[/quote]

Sigh. I deal with this. White mom of two biracial daughters. DD4 has very fine, wispy hair that becomes loose and wild within an hour of me spraying it with detangler and brushing/combing it into a neat ponytail. And then there are the days she wants to wear it down. It's cut into a long bob and super cute but she's four and her hair is this combo of wavy/straight/kinda curly...I cannot win. I do sometimes braid it, but I'm not the best braider, though I keep practicing.

The second daughter is only a year old, but has hair that is very thick and curly and LONG. I really can only comb it out once or twice a week, in the tub with detangling leave-in conditioner in it. Most of the time it's in pigtails or a ponytail to keep it somewhat tame, but she does this thing where she always pulls down a thick lock of hair to play with while she sucks her thumb. Her hair looks "done" for approximately 3 minutes before she pulls the hair down and looks a mess again.

They do wear pretty cute clothes. Choosing battles and all that, I guess.[/quote]

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