Reply to Sexless Marriage Question

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Sexless Marriage Question"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
You don't have a wife, you have a room mate. Assume that her sexual desire (for you!) is permanently gone, there is absolutely NOTHING you can ever do to change that fact. Like you said, she has "turned off that aspect" and she has absolutely zero reason to want to change. Accept your fate living with a platonic room mate

Meanwhile, most men cannot live without sex and (eventually) this will lead you either to divorce, or you will (eventually) wind up getting it elsewhere. How do I know this? Your exact story has played out a billion times before with this exact outcome every time. If you've done any research on dead bedrooms, you know I am right.

Cheating is dishonest and I don't think you want to be like that. Which means the only honest solution (other than divorce) is to [u]tell her before you go outside the marriage[/u]. See? The open marriage solution is, in fact, the ONLY honest way to save your marriage and actually will improve things greatly for her. You mentioned feeling stress, struggles, low self-worth, low self-esteem, being a whiny mopey jerk? That's no fun for her to be around a miserable shell of a man like you, all those problems will be resolved once you have opened the marriage.[/quote]

The situation is distressing, but she's more than a roommate.  She's a friend (and I don't have a ton of those), a confidante, a co-parent, a more than equal financial partner, and a mentor who has helped me mitigate some self-defeating behaviors at home and at work.  Sure, I want more than that, but I still recognize what she's done for me and she would not be easily replaced.  I hope she can say the same about me, but I think I'd be easier for her to replace me than vice versa.

I'm aware of the odds.  We're trying counseling because she assures me it's something she wants.  And I'm trying to get my own house in order in any case.  I'm not ready to separate or divorce yet, but we both realize that time will come if we can't fix the problem.  I need to know I tried.   Working on myself and my own happiness is a beneficial step whether we stay together or split, so that's what I'm doing.

And I'm not stating a moral objection to open marriages.  If that works for a couple, great.  I just know it wouldn't work for me because no strings attached sex wouldn't cure the problem and something more would just lead us right back to divorce.  I know there are people who can compartmentalize between sexual gratification and emotional connection. I can't.  Not as a matter of moral principle, just as a matter of temperament.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics