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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Blessedly, we will soon have the technology to fix this issue.  AI sexbots are the solution.  “Declare Open Marriage” Guy:  your days are numbered.[/quote]

I know this is a joke, but I think it illustrates why I don't think open marriages or adultery are a solution in a lot of these cases.

I'm in a dead bedroom.  It causes me a lot of stress, but it's not really caused by my libido.  I'd guess my libido is comparatively low.  When I went on Testosterone therapy, my libido unsurprisingly skyrocketed and I was hornier than a moose.  But before that therapy, when I wasn't waking up every morning at full-mast, I still desired and missed sex with my wife.  So I don't think it's a simple matter of outsourcing sex, because I think the wound is often not healed by just finding some other way to have an orgasm.  Even the most pathetic of us dead bedroom husbands can have an orgasm.

It's a psychological injury.  It feels like a fundamental betrayal of the relationship in a way that I imagine being cheated on must feel.  Like a judgment made on your self-worth and an attempt to punish you.  You might even secretly feel it was justified, which makes it worse.  I'm not sure it really is that at first usually, but because feeling that way is pretty crippling to your self-esteem, it almost always comes out in your behavior.  So you become irritable, mopey, and even pathetic.  Which then, of course, gives your spouse plenty of additional reasons to not want to have sex with you.  I don't think the posts calling all the guys pathetic whiny jerks are any more productive than the ones instantly calling for open marriages, but I get it.  I can be a whiny, mopey jerk. I'm working on it.

The issue that I struggle with is that while making progress on that front and other self-improvement issues will improve my marriage (and it certainly has),  it isn't necessarily going to make my wife desire sex with me--or sex with anyone for that matter--again.  Knowing full well that I'm sure many here can assume that I'm a beta cuck whose wife is having an affair, I actually think my wife has just tuned out from that aspect of herself.   And I suspect she has to decide that she misses that herself if the problem is going to be solved.

Or I could be wrong.  I'm not sure about any of this stuff.  Everyone always seems so certain about what is best for the kids or who is at fault.  I'm not certain of any of that stuff.  [/quote]

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