Reply to How do you not feel guilty when spouse is working and you're not?

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Reply to "How do you not feel guilty when spouse is working and you're not?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.

I can't address everything but I'll do my best.  Thanks to those who responded thoughtfully.

Perhaps I didn't articulate myself perfectly, and I appreciate those who took the time to understand what I really meant.  A few notes:

- I AM incredibly privileged to have significant net worth (though not to have lost my parents young and tragically), healthy children, and a flexible job.  I'd never say otherwise.

- This question is obviously not directed at people who are severely ill, people who are working two jobs to keep the lights on, etc etc.  It's directed at healthy, able-bodied, intelligent people.

- None of this comes from my husband.  He understands that our financial privilege comes from my side and even if it didn't he wouldn't begrudge me time to relax.  He's even said things to me like, hey, we pay for the pool so why not use it?

- I GENUINELY don't know why I feel this way.  Part of me is guilty spending money I didn't earn (inheritance) and would like to leave a similar situation for my children (not having to pay for education etc is a blessing, I'm well aware).  I even feel guilty looking at like, the cashier at the grocery store or the lifeguard checking me in at the pool and often say things like "left work early today, HAHA!" so they know I work!  I admit it's completely weird, and am curious as to whether anyone else is like this.

- As others have said, I DO feel an obligation to use the education that my parents paid for to do good beyond my own walls.

- I can't believe I'm even addressing PP who says I should be a real SAHM (and my kids are school-age, and I never said this post was addressed to those with babies and toddlers at home) ... I work at a nonprofit that helps get poor high school students into meaningful careers, so I'm good with that.

Those of you saying I'm being judgmental really do sound defensive, as this is a truly legitimate question I'm asking.  Frankly, I'd love not to feel this way.[/quote]

OP, it's funny you mention saying that you work - we just moved into an apartment in a new city while our house is being built so I'm meeting new people every day and I've run into the same older gentleman every single day I have worked from home in the middle of the day while taking our dogs out.  Today I for some reason blurted out "I work, by the way!"  I have no idea why I felt the need to explain this to him.  He didn't ask.  He probably doesn't care.  And I felt like an idiot as soon as I said it.  Perhaps it was because my kids were at summer camp so I felt like I wasn't doing anything (although I had been working before taking the dogs out).  My mom worked but wasn't what I'd call a feminist, but maybe it's because all my close friends work and it felt weird to me to have someone think I didn't.  Like you, I am curious as to why I had that reaction.[/quote]

Hmm...I am the opposite.  I am a mother of four, and I work 32 hours a week in a busy doctors office where I see seriously ill patients all day long in 10-15 minute appointments.  When I go to get my hair cut or find myself getting lunch alone on a day off, I like to pretend that I have no worries and spend my days engaging in hobbies, reading, and relaxing by the pool.  [/quote]

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