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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Ok, OP here-

I will clear up some things. The wedding date was already set by the time we announced the pregnancy. My wife is the primary caregiver but I definitely contribute and coparent when I’m home in the evenings and on the weekends. [b]I may not know exactly as much as she does with regard to parenting our son, but I’d imagine it’s pretty close. Other than ceremony and pictures, I will be free to support my wife in any way that she requires[/b].

The issue with taking our toddler by myself- she doesn’t want me to! When I say she doesn’t like my parents, I mean it. I am not “allowed” to take my children around my parents without her present. She doesn’t trust them/they have had a tense and hostile relationship in the past. My wife plans to have her mother travel to our home and stay with her while I’m away for the weekend, so her mother can look after the toddler.

Look guys, I appreciate the feedback. I can see that most of you feel like I should be more sympathetic and supportive to my wife’s needs/wishes. If she has something unexpected happen to her or the baby during childbirth or after, of course I wouldn’t expect her to attend. I’m speaking strictly in the sense of assuming everything goes as expected, I think she should be willing to do this for me. And for my brother/his fiancé, with whom she has a great relationship. When we first discussed attending, she mentioned perhaps having her mother watch our toddler the whole weekend and she attends with just the newborn. I can live with this as well, but now she is no longer interested in that solution. (Her mother lives same city as my parents and is a one hour drive from the wedding location. So if her mother watched our toddler during wedding weekend, my parents could still visit with him in the days following the wedding.)

[b]The wedding is the weekend before Christmas. So if we travel back for the wedding, we will stay through Christmas and visit all of my extended family who will be in town for the wedding, and especially my parents. I believe this is a situation she is trying to avoid.[/b][/quote]

OP, first of all, despite your best intentions and imagination, you cannot support your wife enough in this wedding situation. She needs to be home, healing her body parts that have been ripped or cut open, and dealing with the never ending issue of milk welling up in her breasts and needing to come out at just the right time to feed your child and avoid getting an infection. Mastitis, the only pain worse than being ripped open down below.

Secondly, she may or may not like your family. I don't know. But bringing a 6 week old on a germy plane in December to an event that people will attend (even if they are sick because its so important) and then expecting her to be social the following week with more people who will come to see the baby (even if they are sick, because your family is starting to sound pretty self centered) is not OK. It's not about your wife vs. your parents. It is about you providing appropriate care to your newborn infant, your child. It is possible that by providing appropriate care your wife also gets to avoid your family. Well, whatever, infant needs trumps all.

I suggest that instead you and your wife make a plan to travel early next summer. Maybe you could even stay with her mom since her mom is helpful with your toddler. Any relatives who want to see your baby can travel then. In the meantime, you can go to the wedding.[/quote]

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