Reply to Planning to leave my husband once our youngest starts college

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't know if anyone has said this OP but if you are sure I would do it after your kid graduates not when they go away for college. Finding out parents that you think have been happily married your entire life are splitting up is really hard. Dumping that on her/him the second they walk out the door and are trying to fit into a totally new space can set them up to flame out and fail. Giving them a few months at home to come to terms with it before they're supposed to be 'on' doesn't feel like a kindness but likely is.

And as other PPs have said you would be a total idiot to not try to take some of the money. If you get money in the divorce he can't control you with it, its yours.

You do not want to saddle your 24 year old and 18 year old with your financial burdens as you age and that is what is likely to happen (I have watched this happen to my cousins mom). Taking the money isn't just smart it is also the responsible thing to do as a mother of two children.

Life is too short to be unhappy but you have too much of it left to be broke making 50k a year. [/quote]

Also OP. For whatever its worth you are about to enter a different phase of life with your kids. They are going to start seriously dating/marrying/procreating in the next 10 years. If you have an unbelievably acrimonious relationship with your ex you will make their lives awful. They will have to figure out things like, 'how do we seat mom and dad at the wedding, can they get along for that night?' and who gets to watch the grandkids and splitting up holidays. If you want to get the benefit of the doubt when they are making those decisions, then consider trying to divorce amicably.

My divorced parents basically didn't see or speak to each other for my ages 10-22, but the last 5 years of getting married and having kids have thrown them into each other's orbit regularly. The only thing you get by going about this with intentional cruelty will be a more difficult wound to heal when the families need to figure out how to come together when the times call for it. [/quote]

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