Reply to GF broke up with me because of money problems

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Normally I would say asking for financial help in a relationship is a nono but you've been dating for 3 years. I'd you were thinking about marrying her you would have done it and if you weren't then she should have dumped you. 3years is sh$# or get off the pot time.

And your seeming complete lack of concern or empathy for her very limited salary makes it worse.

Bottom line if you're dating a graduate student enjoys making 24k a year and three years in they ask for some money for the first time they aren't a gold digger they justneed help. And if it was gonna be as forever relationship you would have wanted to give it. [/quote]

This may be a crazy question but why didn’t she ask her family?  They’ve known her all her life and if we are equating money with love, I assume they love her.[/quote]

A lot of people don't like getting into money stuff with their parents and you have no idea what that dynamic is. And at that point you should be starting to think of yourselves as a team, if you aren't there is a problem. And clearly there was a problem. [/quote]

But I would say the same reason you may not want to get into money stuff with your parent even if they are making 200K combined  (it changes the dynamic, you aren’t as independent, etc) you wouldn’t so with a boyfriend.  Three years in is too long to be just dating IMO unless you are teenagers or have some other compelling situation.  So either the GF wasn’t decided if she wanted to get married or OP wasn’t 100% sure so if that’s the case, decide where the relationship is going first I.e. get engaged or break up, then then decide if it is team finances or not.  Don’t go into team finances unsure if you will be together two years from now.

As much as people are giving the OP a hard time, the whole where is this relationship going could have been brought up by the ex-GF well in advance of asking to “borrow/be gifted” $2800 ($200/month for over a year)  If things weren’t good before then why ask for the money?  If he was really free to make a decision of no, don’t think this makes sense for x reason, why did she break up when he said he wanted to think about it?  If feels sort of like if you don’t want give me money, no questions asked, I’m breaking up.  I’m married and we do have different opinions on how to spend our money, should we do more loan, less down payment, what should we pay off first etc.  I don’t ask to borrow money for, DH or vice versa but part of team finances means we discuss and don’t make unilateral decisions about money.[/quote]

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