Reply to Just don't really care

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  Thanks for the responses.  In terms of direct talk, not an option.  Have talked about it on multiple times (sex/intimacy, not about not caring) and she does the usual break down and cry, I'm not a good wife response with no change at all.  I am hesitant to say it directly becuase the way she is she would take it horribly and it can't be taken back.  Like I said I don't want to make the marriage worse.  I doubt she would cheat as she is a fiercely loyal person in general, and I don't think  I would cheat, but who knows.  Just went home for lunch (I work close) and she is home sick and I honestly didn't really care either way.  Not who I am as a person in general but at this point I can't really muster enough to fake it.    [/quote]

Don't be a coward. If you don't try to fix things now, your "just don't care" will most certainly shift to resentment. And then it will be too late. You won't be able to stay once you resent her.

The reality is that happily married couples have sex regularly. Sex is what sustains intimacy and ultimately the marriage. Women and men should understand that, and they should make sex a priority. Twice a week should be the goal (even for disinterested low drive people).

When is the last time you initiated? I'm guessing she never initiates, right? She might be waiting for you to do that. Women like to be pursued...we don't like to be the aggressor. She might be wondering what's wrong if you've stopped initiating. Tip: start with a back rub. [/quote]

She's not waiting for him to initiate. Sometimes you'll have a situation where all of the other elements of sexual desire are in place but the DW just needs the spark of seeing how much DH needs her to get her revved up. Strong initiations work in this situation. But that's not at all the kind of relationship that OP is describing. Strong initiations where DW is just flat not interested will only exacerbate the problem. She'll feel used and pressured. And, if she submits to the pressure and he goes ahead and has sex with her, she'll feel violated -- all of which will make her even less interested in sex in the future. [/quote]

You don't know that. And neither does he...since he's too much of a coward to talk with her about it. [/quote]

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