Reply to Great life, great wife, but I'm unhappy

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You realize that you are just re-enacting what your father did? It entered your subconscious that this is how men are supposed to behave and you are trying to mimic it.

It would probably be helpful to find some positive male influence, especially from older men. 
[/quote]

Yep, not a great role model for adult relationships/marriage, right?

My sister also has issues with her husband around his use of alcohol, which she says stems from the way our Dad drank when we were kids.[/quote]

OP, you HAVE to get HONEST. Get a journal. What are the positive attributes of your wife? What are the positive aspects of your life/marriage?  What was positive and negative about being single? Who is the "one that got away"? Why was she more special than you consider your wife, now? (Realize single relationships with no kids/mortgage are different than marriage with kids)Why should you get divorced? How will your kids feel? How will you feel when your wife dates & may even find a "replacement" for you? Honestly describe your parents marriage. Did your mom know about your dad? How did you know what he was doing? Are you mad/upset with your dad? How do you feel about your mom?  WHAT CAN YOU DO TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE, YOUR KIDS' LIVES AND YOUR WIFE'S LIFE?

You have gotten a lot of suggestions/help, but you can not "fix" or find solutions if you can not identify the real issues. Maybe writing can help you figure out what is really going on or help you see things from a different viewpoint, then therapy can help. You intellectually know divorce will not make things easier. 
If you can't figure it out, "fake it til you make it"- focus on making your kids & wife happier, then maybe it will in turn, help you too.   Best[/quote]

I have been keeping a journal the last few years but ONLY when I'm feeling bad, so I've been consciously trying to write in it when I feel good too. The last time I wrote, which was last month and I was feeling really good I wrote "next time you feel depressed, know it will pass. don't leave and don't despair, [wife's name] is not the issue."

As far as positive aspects... everything is right with my life and marriage... which is why this unsettled feeling is so frustrating to me. I am not lacking anything.

I asked my mom recently why she stayed with my Dad with all he put her through and she said "I had nowhere to go."  The worst thing I remember about my Dad is him kissing another woman at a party in front of me and my mom and my sister. I love my Dad, but things like this from my childhood still really hurt me. I've tried to talk to him but he's in denial he ever did anything wrong.[/quote]

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