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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it's really important for everyone responding to note that OP has not been back to this thread.

I'm the ex-wife, and my ex-husband's new wife made a rule that I wasn't allowed inside their house. Her justification was that they were "trying to build their own space" and apparently, me coming in out of the rain to get my ex to sign some paperwork about camp when picking up my daughter really disrupted "their own space" somehow.

It was a very clear signal about what she expected everyone's relationship to be going forward, and that my ex was fine with this rule was a clear signal that he cared more about her comfort than our ability to communicate cordially about DD. Other examples include that he is apparently not allowed to email me without including her on the emails. I thought it was weird that any time I emailed him, he'd write back CC-ing her so I asked him about it and he said "Wife isn't comfortable with us having any kind of private communication."

I was already remarried when they got together and frankly, her objections to me and my ex "being alone together" even in the context of an email and her refusal to allow me to enter their house at all (like, they literally make me wait on the porch if I have to bring anything there for DD or am picking her up) makes her seem pretty pathetic.[/quote]

I find it very odd, but maybe you can take some time to get to know her so she isn't threatened.  I'd just avoid going in the house and if paperwork needs signed ask Dad to come to your house.  If she wants to come, fine, welcome her in and set the good example for your child.  If she coordinates all the plans and does all the shopping, like I do, I could see him CCing or saying to me can I take care of it for both of you.  My husband does that with all the stuff for his mom as I take care of 99% as he doesn't have time.

I don't see the issue with communication though and she's feeling insecure for what ever reason so maybe try to reach out to her and communicate.  However, you are the parents, she is not and ultimately it is the two of you, in less it impacts her in terms of money or time.[/quote]

PP here. This thread isn't about me, but sure.

My strategy at this time is simply to put the burden on him so that I don't have to deal with it at all. If I'm not allowed to enter their house and it's more comfortable for her to have me not be around at all, that's fine. He can bring DD to me and otherwise do the walking when we need to discuss a thing in person. The issue with the rain and the camp paperwork was that the paperwork had to be turned in personally on the exact day that the incident occurred, and that situation was how I found out about her "rule" that I wasn't allowed to come inside. I have tried to get to know her and also to be a person around her so she can get to know me, but she hasn't been receptive to that. That's fine too. We don't have to be best friends or friends at all. At this point, I treat her the same way that I treat people I work with who I don't really know or work with regularly - polite but not overly friendly.

The bigger issue, which I think is relevant to the OP's situation, is that when the tension came out (a couple years ago at this point), DD was old enough to know that it was happening. She was actually the one who told me that "_____ says that it's not okay for you to come inside the house." I did not and do not appreciate being put in a position where I have to explain a ridiculous rule to a small child who doesn't know how to interpret adult relationship nuances. I thought and continue to think that her communicating this to DD was inappropriate in a lot of ways and that my ex allowing that to happen was irresponsible and disrespectful. [/quote]

If it is their time, you should let them know you are coming over and have them approve it.  You shouldn't go over unannounced and you shouldn't enter the house if you know they do not want you there.  From now on, you meet at your house or a neutral place.  You scan/email paperwork and he can do teh same to return it.  It is a bit silly to ban you from the house but there may be more to the story than you are saying or she's uncomfortable and either way respect the boundaries.[/quote]

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