Reply to Is the line between "courtship" and harassment really that blurry?

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Reply to "Is the line between "courtship" and harassment really that blurry?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]If you really don't want to be asked out, then why wouldn't you say "No, I'm not interested in anything romantic with you"?[/b]  No absolutely means no, but "sure sounds like fun, maybe some other time" doesn't always mean no.[/quote]

Because when a woman says what you suggested, she is perceived as either a bitch or an arrogant ass to have assumed that you were asking in a romantic way.  See coffe shop convo amd marital rape.  Historically, we have not been allowed to say No in the way you describe.  You should read some Deborah Tannen - women's ways of speaking are equally valid.  Learn to listen to what we are saying. [/quote]

No, you need to learn to communicate.  What rule says you're "not allowed" to say no?  You're saying you're unhappy that your soft deferral ("sounds great, maybe some other time") is not being perceived as a firm "no, not interested", and you're angry that you keep getting asked out even after the soft deferral.  You can stop the situation by simply giving a firm "no, not interested", but you nevertheless choose the soft deferral.  Why?  You know full well that if you give a soft deferral, the man will potentially perceive that as leaving the door open.  So why do you choose to leave the door open?  Why not simply close it?[/quote]

Why don't you develop the social skills to understand the meaning she's actually communicating, which everyone else but you understands?[/quote]

I'm not the one who's getting agitated whenever someone says hi to me in a coffee shop or asks me to go out for drinks after work.  I am perfectly capable of saying "no thanks" or "yes sure", and then going about my day.  People seem to understand me just fine.

If you are unhappy that people aren't understanding you, then you should communicate more directly ... not whine on an anonymous message board in hopes that everyone else in the world will suddenly start to hear you differently.  I'm not sure how you expect the whining route to work.[/quote]

:roll: Yeah, the "cute chick" is not getting agitated either. Likely she has the social skills and experience to be able to blow you off without getting you mad, and she has been through this a lot, so while she's annoyed, she's not agitated in the moment.  (I'm assuming you're not actually hostile towards or or literally refusing to leave her alone.)  And you've never been that "cute chick" who doesn't have the freedom to just sit anonymously in a cafe, so you have no idea, really.  You are the one who's got the communication impairment, not women, I can tell you that.  [/quote]

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