Reply to Is this the norm for divorced 30 something women?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Lolll at the men responding here who are completely NOT getting it. In the vast, vast majority of marriages with children: a) your "I don't get it, when I was single I did all my own laundry and just ate snacks at the gym!" (lol) straight up does not apply[/quote]

I screened for this soooo hard when I was single.  [b]It's not enough to take care of yourself (necessary, but not sufficient), he had to demonstrate that he didn't have blinders on when it came to my effort.  So many women are working so hard behind the scenes to make everything run smoothly, only to have their SO's come into threads like these and say "I did just as much, I took out the trash every. single. week!"  Nope, nope, nope.  You don't get to be comfortably blind to how much work it takes to make a household, marriage, and family work.[/b]

My DH and I have a very good division of labor, and we are constantly acknowledging the other's efforts and saying thank you.  Because ignoring the other person's efforts is the beginning of the end in my mind.  First you take it for granted, then you stop seeing it entirely and devalue all the effort the other person is putting in, but you always remember what you've done.  That's why these studies always show that men believe they're doing 50% or better of the housework when reality shows they're doing a tiny sliver of the actual work: because they meticulously track their own efforts and are oblivious to, intentionally ignore, or proactively degrade (busywork) the other person's work.  Miss me with that noise.[/quote]

Yes! This is exactly it. It's all the thankless behind the scenes stuff to keep things running smoothly that doesn't even get noticed (or, worse, gets totally minimized; see, e.g., the male posters here)[/quote]

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