Reply to What is the primary problem in your marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If we don't have sex for a while (say, a week) he gets grumpy and pouty and sullen. I am not turned on by grumpy and pouty and sullen..so I don't want to have sex with him at that point. The situation deteriorates quickly.

(I know I could just have sex with him and he'd snap out of it, but then I get bitter about the fact I have to have sex with him to maintain his mood. Don't I offer anything else?)

This all recently came to light in a huge fight and we are working on it. [/quote]

So THIS is your primary problem in marriage?
Fantastic!! Then I have some great news: your #1 problem can be easily solved. There's even an "app" for it. Pull out your phone, open the Calendar, and create a new event called Sex, make it recurring every 6 days.

[/quote]

I agree.

If your marriage is otherwise great, why not give your husband the good stuff once or even twice a week? I get that you are tired and not interested, but you love this guy. If that is all he needs, organize a sitter/cleaner/whatever to give you a little bit more space to relax and afford 30 minutes twice a week. Don't you give your children affection even when you are extremely tired? Why is your husband so different? He needs it, you have it, you love him, give it up twice a week.

If there are no other underlying issues affecting your ability to have sex with him(if you are repulsed by him, that is another issue), then you lack some empathy.

I think giving your husband 30 minutes of affection/sex twice a week is much less than the extra 10 hours off that I give mine about 3 weekends a month.

My husband sleeps for very long hours on the weekend(if we have somewhere to go, he has to wake up but we try to avoid any weekend activity before 1:00pm). We have little kids so my weekend mornings can get pretty rough, but I am not grumpy.

Anyone who knows nothing else about our marriage would think that I was incredible for letting him sleep that much almost every weekend. I am incredible, but he is incredible too, and so is our marriage. If he doesn't get the sleep, he is grumpy. Why would I want that when I can have him happy and extremely helpful as well as loving for the fewer hours he is awake on the weekend(he does almost all household work and is a very engaging an loving dad and husband)?

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