Reply to Rant re DH's family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
[quote=Anonymous]OP seems much like her DH's siblings who demanded the money to pay off their student loans, with the only exception being she hasn't yet asked for the money.  It's very clear that she deeply resents using her money on her DH's education because she thinks the parent should have paid for it, same as DH's siblings.  OP is also willing to keep herself and her children away from the family because the money hasn't been offered, just like the siblings threatened to.

[/quote]

I agree that she resents using her money. I also agree that she thinks that the parent should have paid for it. But I don't agree that she's the same as them. She didn't demand it. The siblings did. Even after they demanded it, and they all got it, she STILL didn't demand it. I got the impression that she's irritated that they didn't get it like the others did, but would have continued on with her life without thinking too much more about it or letting it consume her or whatever.  The issue is that it's being rubbed in her face constantly when they all get together and act like "we're all a big happy family, oh why are you being different to us, why don't you come and sit with us and be one big happy family" when it's really that THEY decided that one couple would be different to the others. They can't complain about it now.

And no, I don't know the OP. [/quote]

I think OP would demand it if her DH didn't get in the way.

The tuition money isn't a likely topic of discussion and probably hasn't been for quite a while.  Op is the only one still carrying the old baggage into every gathering, and every time the bag gets heavier as she stuffs it with yet another layer of grievances, grudges and resentments from the last interaction with the ILs.  She needs help to recognize that and give herself permission to leave the old baggage behind.  As people mature, they can choose to forgive their siblings for their earlier childish behaviors and move on, valuing family and more mature adult connections.  That seems to be where the DH and his family is at, but OP is clinging to the old baggage as if it's her BFF.  It's like she wants everyone to see that she still has the old baggage, but they're all wondering why she keeps bringing it along, and then she gets even more upset.  She is emotionally stuck, and a therapist can help her get unstuck, but she has to be willing.

[/quote]

Yeah, you are right. This is the issue. I don't give a damn about the money, that is done and gone. I just can't get over my resentment of these people. But I am not selfish and self centered enough to prevent my family from seeing them.

And yes, I am an only child (l see the tomatoes coming but it's fine, I posted because I need perspectives other than my own).

-OP[/quote]

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