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[quote=Anonymous]Look, OP is reacting the way she is. Many of us would not or could not do it, but we are not in her shoes. I don't think its helpful to be incredulous or judgmental. I do think that it is helpful to suggest what steps OP can take here in this shitty position. Her question, how to tell the kids-- is best addressed with a family therapist. But keeping secrets is no good.

Secondly, OP can and should protect herself--therapist, and I would suggest a post-nuptial. Perhaps the marriage will work out, perhaps it won't but if finances are her main consideration then a strong postnuptial that guarantees her and her children's financial security is important--and perhaps will allow her to assess the marriage on other merits. It is also an incentive for the DH to repair things, and it sounds like that is, for the moment, preferable to her for a host of reasons, including an intact parental unit for her kids.

OP, if you consider a post-nup, the time is now. The longer you are in acceptance mode, the less likely your DH is going to agree to it. His panic and desire to set things right can and should be used to your advantage to shore up your position.

I wish you the best and sorry that you are in this shitty position. The other PP who was in a similar situation probably has good advice--she  tried enormously hard to keep it together for her kids, at the cost of much emotional and mental distress to herself. In the end, she made the best decision for herself and her kids. Yours may vary. [/quote]

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