Reply to How do I talk about this with the kids?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "How do I talk about this with the kids?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This is OP.

If life and people were ideal, there would be no DCUM so let's not even go there. Ideally, there would be no affair at all.  Things are what they are. It's pointless to speculate on how things should be "ideally".  My DH made very bad choices.   There's no getting away from it. Having said this, the sun still rises every morning, so what do we do now?

Of course I have a say in how this presented to the kids. My daughter hasn't met her half-sister yet, so if I decide she shouldn't, she won't. My son worships me so if I wanted to make him hate his half-sister, I could accomplish that in one evening.  If I chose to prevent him from seeing his half-sister, I could do that or at least make a colossal deal out of it easily. I decide today how much of her he is allowed to see and under what context.  He's only six; no decisions made so far are cast in stone. They can be undone easily.  If I wanted to impoverish the family and stress everyone around that, I could again do so easily.

I am not saying this to say I would intentionally introduce this sort of strife into my kids' life, just to point out that there are many things I could do, and what I do do, I choose to do. My choices may be different from yours, but I am making them from a fully empowered position.  [/quote]

I guess many of us are wondering why you believe your husband is suddenly going to do things the way you want them done, when he didn't seem to be considering you at all before. What's to stop him from adding DD to the visits?[/quote]
The fear of divorce, poverty, and complete crumbling of his family. [/quote]

Then he would have tried to hide it in the first place. Which he didn't.[/b] He knows you're going to make the best of it, and there's something in your past relationship that makes him certain of it.[b] I don't know what it is. Or it really makes little difference to him because he'll just go live with family #2. Remember, he's already practiced in only seeing his child on occasion.

The way this went down, particularly with getting your son involved, shows a shocking amount of disregard for you. He had another child with you, and it never came up. You presumably discussed future plans, college savings, vacations, and it never came up. He slept with another woman, stood by her for nine months of pregnancy, and it never came up. He spent marital funds on this relationship, and it never came up. He decided his kids would enjoy spending time together, arranged play dates, and it never came up. I still don't get why that isn't the focus here.

What happens with the kids seems obvious. You proceed as if he had told you this like a real man, much earlier and before the kids were involved. You leave what happens with your relationship aside from those arrangements, many of which will be determined by the courts.[/quote]
OP can you address this? I totally agree. What happened in the past? My DH knows I would have dumped him so fast. Yours knows it's ok to do this.[/quote]
Yes let's all talk about you and your perfect DH.  [/quote]
He isn't perfect and neither am I. BUT I told him before we were married, that I would divorce immediately if he cheated. 20 years later, I would still do the same and he KNOWS this. I am a strong woman who wouldn't put up with being disrespected in the worst way. He has no doubt I would divorce him, no questions asked. He knows the line in the sand.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics