Reply to Have your views on monogamy changed since you have been married?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No, my views on monogamy haven't changed.  I spent a summer working in NYC away from my husband, although I spent every weekend with him.  I was attracted to one man in my office.  I was hit on by another.  I saw many attractive men in NYC and could easily have slept around.  I even thought about it but conciously decided not to.

My belief has always been that it is normal to be attracted to people, but intimacy is a conscious decision.  I expected monogamy in my relationship, and gave it to my husband.

I subsequently found out that my husband had been cheating on me with a variety of women during the entire 5 years of our relationship.

My views on monogamy are the same as they were before this experience.  We all experience temptations, but it is not hard to be monogamous.  It is simply a choice. I gave my husband my fidelity and honesty and in return he gave me neither.  His choice spoke deeply about his character.

We are no longer together. [/quote]

If you were my daughter I'd be very proud of you and I'd find a way to beat the crap out of your husband. Not all guys are dogs and I sure hope you meet someone with your standards. If you have children I hope they are proud of their momma![/quote]

When we split up, I told my parents and my siblings about the infidelity (that it was long in duration and with many women, not the gritty details).  I was pleasantly surprised that my parents were totally supportive of my divorce, and my brother even called me courageous for seeing what was in front of me and leaving.

Truthfully, a part of me wishes someone would have beat the crap out of him, or at least yelled at him.  Maybe it would have knocked some sense into him and helped him be a better parent even if he couldn't be a good partner.  Instead, my parents, my siblings and I continued to treat him politely.  He was welcomed into my house and my parent's house to participate in family events with our children.  No one (except for me) confronted him about the behavior.   That allowed him to continue to live in the delusional world of the cheater, which was not helpful to me or our kids.  The kids, of course, do not know why we separated, so they cannot be "proud" of me.

I'm sure not all guys are dogs, but I no longer believe it's possible to separate the dogs from the non-dogs with 100 % accuracy.  Sometimes it is easy to spot a dog.  But, there are others who are wolves in sheep's clothing.  Everyone who was friends with and worked with my husband told me he was "a good guy" while we are dating and would have been as shocked to learn about the cheating, as I was.  I know now to scrutinize people's behavior and ignore their words.  But, I also know that some people are just very, very good liars, and it is never possible to tell for sure that your partner is being truthful.  The best you can do is run away quickly when these damaged people finally do something that reveals their true character.  [/quote]

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