Reply to Need help on getting 6 yr old ds to stop being mean to another kid in class

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have five kids. None of them are anywhere close to perfect.  But they have never been disrespectful towards a teacher and I have never had a complaint about them being mean to other students.  To me this would be a huge deal. I think I would be looking at what I had done wrong.  Kids learn what they live. At six you are the one influencing your child's behavior.  This is 100% on you, OP.

I think you fix it with very serious consequences every time it happens. More importantly, you examine your own behavior. Bully parents have kids who bully. [/quote]

OP here. I appreciate everyone's advice and I will take it even more seriously if it unfortunately happens again but I want to respond to the above post. I do NOT consider myself a bully parent. I was teased often as a child for being overweight and am quite sensitive to understanding that being bullied is very hard and hurtful for kids so please do not automatically assume that every kid who does this has bully parents. [/quote]

OP, don't worry about this poster. I recognize the poster. I am also one of five kids. Let's just say that I don't think this poster really has much idea of what was going on with her five kids.

Getting back to your problem: What is the teacher doing in class? It's a bit odd to me that she sent the note home saying that it happened but no word about consequences in class. For a six-year-old, if nothing happens in class but then he gets consequences at home, he may believe that it's not okay to say names at home but in class it's okay. A firm and immediate reprimand from the teacher can do wonders, then you back it up with consequences at home. If the teacher isn't responding, you're going to have a harder time enforcing.

Also, I would make sure he understands that nobody has to be friends with somebody else, which seems to be the crux of the matter. It sounds like he's lashing out because he feels rejection, anger, hurt, and possibly entitlement. Six isn't too early to learn that friendship has to be earned.

Finally, what names are these? My reaction and advice is going to be really different if he's calling her a poopyhead versus a racial slur.

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