Reply to Any success in not being in charge of everything?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You have a baby on the way and this is the dynamic???

Get into couples therapy NOW. I'm not joking. This board is littered with wives who do everything and then complain about their husbands who just sit there waiting to be told what to do. I think there's a thread now ("Tired of being the grown-up" or something like that) where it's clear that the wife/mother of a 3 yr old is done and considering divorce.

This will not go away because you made some "tweak" you read about on a forum. This will take a significant effort on BOTH your parts. Like everything else in your marriage, it can't be directed by you. That's why you need a professional to assist with this change. [/quote]

This is a little dramatic.  I think you can sit down and talk to your husband and explain how you feel and how you need him to step up.  I don't think you need a paid stranger in the room when you have this conversation.

It may take having your husband learn his lesson a few times[b].  Let him book the vacation without the pet care being arranged.  So what? [/b] Last time I went on vacation my husband asked about the newspapers.  I told him I thought he stopped the paper.  Of course he didn't but I'm not going to let him assume I always do these things.  [/quote]

NP. So then someone -[b] probably you [/b]- winds up scrambling at the last minute and calling in friend chits to get the pet somewhere to stay and a way to get there because you can't actually just leave a dog alone for a week. The fish? Yeah, they might just die, but I'm not going to abandon the dog.

And why not get counseling to help make this an easier process? A little outside perspective from someone not emotionally invested in the situation can often be helpful.[/quote]

Why??  Just don't do it.  Sit in the driveway while he figures it out.  The world will keep spinning.

[b]I seriously doubt counseling is going to really help your husband step up and remember the small details you do.  If anything it's a time suck and expensive.  So unncessary.  [/b]

After he forgets pet care then the next time you're planning a vacation tell you you assume he's taken care of the pet care for Fido.  [/quote]

Unlike divorce, which is really cheap. And no one gets a divorce anymore. I mean, ask parents with small children. They'll tell you that their marriage has never been stronger.   :roll: [/quote]

You're the kind of person who makes a huge deal out of everything.

You really think OP is going to get divorced because her husband forgot to book her dog at the pet kennel?  [/quote]

Actually I don't. You're the one who seems to be quite upset at any mention of counseling. What's that about? What's the harm in ironing out some potential communication and expectation issues before a baby enters the scene? Having kids is a huge stressor, even in the strongest relationships. What's the harm in going for a few sessions?

If you've spent any time here on DCUM, you'll notice how many threads there are about women complaining that they do everything while their well-meaning husbands need a list to change the baby's diaper. Is that my relationship?  Absolutely not. But it's a common dynamic in many relationships. And if it's a dynamic that's been in play for many years, it's not something that self-corrects when a baby comes. It may be a quick fix for OP, and I certainly hope that is the case. But what is the harm in having a 3rd party facilitate that conversation for a few sessions before the baby comes?

It's not the forgetting to take care of the dog that causes a divorce. It's that happening over and over, year after year, along with hundreds of other chores and decisions left to one spouse. If the dynamic is lopsided already before the baby, it typically gets worse once the baby comes. Both the husband needs to step up more, and the wife needs to let go. I'm sure OP will do what she thinks is best for her family. My hope is that she is being realistic about how much she can let go of being in charge and things being potentially messy if her husband has to figure things out on his own. 
[/quote]

You sound like a nightmare to be married to.  Your poor husband. [/quote]

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