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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]FWIW- he is not posting the photos, but other families are. He is a typically very inclusive person, but as he gets older, large groups are not his thing. He even mentioned how he likes it when we visit separately from our siblings because he gets to chat with each person individually. Hard to do with forty people or so....

So, I understand his reasons, but [b]it hurts my feelings that cousins are included and we are not[/b]. [/quote]

OP, if you are close and  actually want to [i]spend time with[/i] your cousins--rather than just wanting to be[i] treated like [/i]your cousins --  then find other ways to see your cousins.

If you are not close to your cousins, but this is at the root only about "Their parents included them and in fairness, I should be included too" --well, the definition of "fair" that I always used with my kid was  this: "Fair does not mean that everyone gets the [i]same[/i] thing; it means everyone gets what he or she most[i] needs[/i]."

Your father needs time to be with his siblings AS their sibling, without simultaneously having to also play his role as father and grandfather. That isn't hurtful, it's human. He may not want to wear all his hats at once.  Your aunts and uncles have changed that dynamic by bringing their adult kids into the mix but that does not mean he has to do the same thing if he does not want to, nor should he issue an invitation to keep things "fair."  He knows where he wants to put his focus during these trips and has been admirably frank with you about that.  Can you see how your going too would be about a "fairness" that gets you what others have, but does not let your dad have what he needs?

If you were a child or teen, sure, your dad's first obligation is to his own kids; but you and your siblings are adults, and he respected that by talking to you adult to adult and telling you how he really feels. I would hope you can replace your hurt with some pride in the fact he spoke to you believing that as an adult you could understand what he's saying.

Also, please consider that as people get older they often want to reconnect with their past, and that includes the past before they had spouses or children, and they want to reconnect with the family into which they were born. Maybe he's feeling that. You may not be there yet but you may feel the same way in the future; can you picture a time when you might want to spend time with your siblings or cousins or just your best adult friends and you do not want your grown children there?

And by the way, there are SO many posts on DCUM all the time about how people in families fail to speak up and never just tell each other what they want and need (and don't want); your dad finally told you what he needs and wants to do, and that's valuable. I bet his siblings might feel the same way but be unable to tell your cousins so. Can you get past hurt and see that he's actually being a good father by telling you honestly what he needs as a person, not just as your father?
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