Reply to MIL and SIL stay for Thanksgiving- say anything?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Why didn't you have this fight several weeks ago? Why did you even ask them their plans if you'd already established you guys weren't traveling?  Just let it go.

Why didn't you tell them "Oh, gosh, I wasn't inviting you, my bad! We're planning a small Thanskgiving this year since the baby is here, no overnight guests"?

As it stands, text back, "I believe we had agreed upon Friday--that's what works for us.  We need the weekend to ourselves. Can't wait to see you!"

Remind your DH that if he won't stand up to his family, you will, and it won't be pretty.  Even if he doesn't care who comes when, he should care about *your* feelings.[/quote]

[b]This is terribly rude advice. [/b]I understand and appreciate boundaries for serious transgressions, but OP describes behavior well within the range of annoying-but-normal. Everyone is within their rights to behave this way, of course, but it will hurt feelings and set up future issues. This is advice for someone looking to "win" as between wife/new family vs. parents/old family, not someone looking to get along with and accept their DH's family's foibles (just like, I assume, we would expect DH to accept his wife's family). [/quote]

Isn't it ruder to invite themselves to someone else's house for Thanksgiving?  And to announce with only a few days notice that they're staying two extra days?

The ILs are being terribly rude themselves here.[/quote]

Fair enough. But still not grounds to start throwing metaphorical bombs IMO.

Seems to me it comes down to how you want to be perceived by your family, honestly. I really don't mean that as snark. I have a cousin who I am close to, and she draws very firm lines with regard to visits from grandparents for her kids in particular for visits during the week. Her husband travels M-Th for work and she keeps the kids on a strict schedule while he's gone in order to manage. She doesn't want the grandparents messing that up. I OTOH welcome visitors and generally am open to them staying as long as they like. I enjoy that my extended family knows they can visit whenever they want because I'm happy to host. People are different. But in any event, I would overlook the rudeness. It's the holidays, people like to spend them with family. OP can decide for herself where she wants to come out in terms of future relations, but I do think responding as above would have lasting repercussions. [/quote]

The thing is, this isn't her first kid--the OP already knows what to expect from her MIL, her SIL, and her DH.

From her MIL and SIL: "they tend to use these visits as MIL and SIL time while ignoring us, they talk rudely about politics, and they tell me how to parent."  And they invited themselves for Thanksgiving.

From her DH: He doesn't say anything to alter a long-standing dynamic that frustrates the OP.

The OP has a newborn.  If there's ever a time for her to be selfish and stand up for what she wants/needs, it's now.  I would argue that she should have said they weren't hosting guests for Thanksgiving this year, but that's too late, so at least stand up for a shorter visit.  Use the language about having made plans another PP suggested, if need be, but stand up for herself since no one else will.  Sometimes people who are rude don't take hints--you've got to be a little blunter for them to "get" it, because they're so used to getting away with doing what they want.[/quote]

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