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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have been unfulfilled and sad in my marriage for years (he shows zero affection or attraction for me and is increasingly being a bad roommate even).  But the things that do bring me joy - our mutual friends, my in-laws, our pets, our house and neighborhood, even my friendship with DH - would disappear if we got divorced.

We have no kids and I have no family of my own so his family IS my family.  And we've known each other forever so our lives are completely enmeshed.  And he's still my best friend, which let's be honest would not be the same if we divorced no matter how amicably.  But I'm so f*!&ing depressed (just about this one issue), which has been hashed and rehashed to no avail.

What now?  I know everyone will say counseling, but I have so little hope of that working.  This is just the way he is and always has been (I was very inexperienced when we started dating), and I've already very clearly expressed my needs, and on the rare occasions he makes an attempt, it's so hamfisted and insincere that it just depresses me more.  [/quote]

I understand some of what your feeling. I was there at one time too. Don't lose hope. There is so much potential here. Sometimes we can't see the forest for the trees but trust me when I say that you have too much invested to give up. Your relationship is a diamond in the rough. What your experiencing is pretty standard for relationships. At first there can be emotions but the emotions ebb and flow. Too many give up on each other when the feelings are not evident. I'd like to encourage you to refresh  your commitment to your DH. Determine to love him like no one else could ever love him. Make a plan. Little things can mean so much. Do his favorite things. See him in a new light. Determine to not take what he does or doesn't do personal. Just love him. Don't look for signs that make you think he does not love you. Instead concentrate on loving him. This may sound crazy but it's the secret to a great marriage. Love no matter what. Love like it's the main purpose in your life. Love is the paint brush and you are the artist. It doesn't take anything special to give up on a relationship. Anyone can do that and many do. If you talk to people who have a long lasting and good relationship you will find that they made the other a top priority no matter what. I have determined that my relationship is more important than anything else and I plan according to that. I have the best relationship with my DH  that anyone in our families have ever had the pleasure to be around. We have been married over 30 years and things get better as we go because that is our goal. Go for the Gold! Counseling is a good idea to put on your list of things to do to make your dream of an awesome relationship come true. Choose a counselor wisely. Here's a number that has helped me. It is a Focus on the Family number. 1-800-232-6459. I wish you two all the best and you can have it if you determine to not give up.[/quote]

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