Reply to 19 year old cousin is dating a 38 year old. Is there anything we can do?

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Reply to "19 year old cousin is dating a 38 year old. Is there anything we can do?"

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[quote=Anonymous]I don't think there is anything you can do, unfortunately.   He is 19 and probably sees a bit of a mom figure in her, like some women see a dad figure in an older man.  Someone who takes care of things, makes them feel safe.

She, on the other hand, is in a more dysfunctional position.  She needs to put that child first, and bringing a 19 year old boyfriend into their lives isn't the wisest thing in the world to do.   I do wonder if she has drinking or drug problems, because people with those often go "younger and younger" because younger people often are too naive or too immature to see what's seriously wrong.

Be an ear, if he needs one.   My brother was in a very dysfunctional relationship for awhile.  When asked,  I tried to gently discuss how each partner needs to be kind and respectful to the other.   If that's actually going on, then great.   But more likely it's not.    I'd just remind him that he always has a home with you (if that's true), and that home/romantic relationships should be a sanctuary, filled with kindness and respect.  Don't say "love," because of a lot of people think their dysfunctional passion is love.  If his relationship isn't kind and respectful, then maybe he needs to make some changes.   Focus on healthy dating behavior instead of what's specifically wrong with this woman.  [/quote]

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