Reply to DH bender on a work trip. How big of a deal do I make this?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "DH bender on a work trip. How big of a deal do I make this?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Well. He did wait until he was out of town and sans baby to let loose, do you think it would be okay if he drank too much only when that was the case? Sounds like maybe he knows it isn't appropriate for a family man but he's having a pseudo -bachelor vacation where it wouldn't harm anyone?

He couldn't have done anything for you or your baby today regardless of how sober he was, [b]so I am a bit baffled by your vehemence.[/b][/quote]

OP here, I probably left out some critical information.  Shortly after college, in his 20s, DH got two DUIs and wound up serving some jail time.  To him this is ancient history to the point that he neglected to even tell me this until after we were married.  So, 1. that history scares me.  2. I tend to catastrophize a bit when I can't reach him.  It's irrational, but I have gotten the "someone you love dealy has just died suddenly" call, and he knows this about me.  I didn't need to be able to contact him because I needed him to do something for me.  I just wanted the "I'm alive" text after I knew he was out drinking in a high crime city.  That new dad who was walking home from bars in cap hill a few years ago and was jumped and is now permanently mentally disabled is the stuff my nightmares are made of.[/quote]

I actually thought there might be more history like this than you were letting on. For about five years, I was with a guy who drank himself into oblivion - if I didn't hear from him for some certain time, I could almost guarantee he was passed out, or had hurt himself, or something like that. And it did make me crazy - it did make me into the fun police. I heard a hint of that in your original post.

That guy and I eventually broke up, we didn't have kids together. I don't know what you should do or think in this situation. I don't blame you for being worried, and I understand why you'd react like you did. I don't think that this dynamic is going to be good for either of you in the long term - either you have to live with his (it sounds like now occasional) drunk episodes, or he has to not do them anymore, or you both have to live with him doing them and you freaking out. Or the two of you have to learn some new way to interact when this does happen - maybe a therapist can help.

In any case, I don't think you're crazy for freaking out. I know what it's like to be with someone whose drinking is really problematic.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics