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[quote=Anonymous]OP, my DD is a bit older (15), but otherwise much like yours, with a couple of episodes of running away.  I will echo what previous posters said about that: I would consider it a flight reaction, made impulsively, in response to a challenging/overwhelming situation.  It's not about you, your rules, or your parenting, really.  It's behavior that reflects her emotional turmoil.

One thing that you might consider doing is working with your daughter to set up a safety plan, in writing.  That's a logical consequence for what she has done.  In light of the running away, you can ask that she work with you to generate a detailed and specific list of things she can try to do (instead of running) when she feels challenged/overwhelmed at home, including lists of trusted adults to call; ideally, the safety plan should also include a list of places where she might go if the impulse to run wins out (trusted and approved friends, whose names/numbers/addresses are known to you).  The idea here is for you to work together with her to identify and think through better--or at least less dangerous--coping strategies.

As a further word of advice, I would suggest that you not close the door on therapeutic boarding school.  That's the route we have gone, despite initial misgivings. My DD has major attachment/abandonment issues, and a lot of anxiety about being away from home.  But the thing is, the treatment team at her school are deeply well versed in attachment and abandonment issues, and the consequences of trauma around abandonment.  Though it seems counterintuitive, I firmly believe that going away is enabling her to address those issues.

Oh, and a word to the folks who have a negative impression of wilderness therapeutic programs: the programs I know of offer sensitive and sophisticated therapy, in an environment that seems infinitely healthier than in-patient treatment.  Wilderness was an option recommended by our DD's psychiatrist and her therapist, so it's not "quackery."

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