Reply to Advice for "trial separation" time away

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[quote=Anonymous]Wow, this sounds really convenient for him. He gets to live the single life, do what he wants, doesn't have to actually parent, AND still gets to watch his team on Sundays. He's not serious about working on things. I've known people in trial separations and people who are serious about fixing things work their asses off. Counseling, introspective work, recognizing their own flaws and working on them, etc. It sounds like you are the only one working on these things (since you are in counseling and he just finds it inconvenient).

He is just doing the bare minimum to keep stringing you along so he can get the remaining perks from your marriage. What he needs is tough love- no football on Sundays, football doesn't count as time with your daughter, no more talking about what needs to improve. He knows at this point what changes he needs to make and repeating them over and over won't help; he will simply say yes to make you think he's working on things.

Take some time away from him- no talking, no visiting, nothing except arranging for him to be with your daughter. Document how much time he actually tries to spend with her, that could help you during custody arrangements if you end up divorcing. Work on yourself- figure out why you chose him, why you let your voice go unheard in the marriage, why you jump to negative conclusions, etc. Focus on improving your own life instead of how he needs to improve his. If he ends up doing the same kind of work and things work out- great. If not, you're a better version of yourself and are set up to have a happy and productive life. [/quote]

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