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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You haven't provided any details on how the divorce went and what their marriage was like. Especially if not much time has passed since the divorce, there may be hard feelings and she might not be sorry about your father's deterioration.

It sounds as if she may be avoiding the topic out of consideration for your feelinge, while still honoring her own feelings. Would you prefer she tell you what an asshole she thinks your father is and how this is his comeuppance?  You say she's thinking only of herself, but it sounds as if you, too, are thinking only of yourself and what she can do for you.[/quote]

It was not a great marriage, but I didn't see a ton of conflict. Then again, I was 33 when they divorced. So, that's 15 years of me not living with them so I didn't know the day to day of their lives together. I was supportive of their divorce and it seemed amicable. My mother framed it as wanting different things during their retirement. She wanted to travel and my father absolutely hated traveling and is by all accounts a horrible traveler (from my own experience). And I respect my mother's choice. Honestly, she's 65 and there's a lot of life left there. My father didn't really spend any time framing why they divorced and just moved into a senior community and golfed until he got very, very sick.

And I want to make it clear, I don't think my mother needs to care for my father. Her disinterest in what is going on could be an attempt to avoid an uncomfortable issue. I get that. But right now, this is a big stressor in my life and her inability to be supportive of me is making it difficult for me to even want to connect with her. And she knows it and does the whole guilty "why don't you visit me or let me visit (and entertain me while I am visiting)" thing.[/quote]

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