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[quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks for the responses. If it were just them hanging out once a week that would be fine - but when you make one plan with him for a specific time, he is already onto the next time we will hang out so it's not enough. Also, I don't care if DH sees him once a week - I don't like him and don't want to see him, so my question was, how do others deal with having to see someone repeatedly that you don't want to.

DH just tries to blow him off or ignore because he pesters and guilt trips him non-stop, even though DH has explained we have quite a lot going on in our lives. We both work full time and have to entertain clients once a week (often on separate nights but not always) so there isn't a predictable day they can get together. Also, DH has to do work at home most nights after the kids go to bed so he juggles that too. And, since DH is away from the kids so much during the week, he doesn't want to go off and do things with BIL after work (unless after bed time) or on the weekends because he wants to see the kids... so he would prefer for BIL to hang out with all of us.

BIL has no hobbies they can do together - he doesn't work out, doesn't like sports, etc. A girlfriend would absolutely be the answer, but he has NEVER had a serious girlfriend and hasn't dated in 5 years. I have wondered if he is gay but I don't think so. I don't think he has a desire for a girlfriend or to get married. I also don't think he has Aspergers. He is very successful in his work which involves a lot of customer service so I don't think he has social issues per se.

Here are some of my biggest issues with BIL:

- BIL decided he and DH should go on a guys' trip. He floated the idea by DH who said he would be into it, but wasn't sure what his schedule was like and would have to get back to him. BIL interpreted that as an okay to plan a trip and buy the plane tickets. DH only found out because BIL sent him an email with the confirmation and a request to pay him back for his half. BIL just chose a random weekend, which happened to be the same weekend we had good friends visiting town from TX, and then got into a huge argument with DH after he said he can't go on the trip.

- BIL is successful at work and has a lot of money. Before our kids were born, BIL talked non-stop about how he gave each of his best friend's two kids $10K to put into a 529 plan for college and how generous it was of him. He has never given our kids a dime since the day they were born. He did not give DH and I a wedding present. He does not buy our kids birthday presents. His friend is not poor and is doing just fine, in fact I am sure his friend has more money than DH and I in the bank. BIL also frequently asks to borrow money from DH - not huge sums, just $20 here and there when they are out and he "forgets" his wallet - and never treats him for anything and never pays him back.

- when BIL does come over and the idea is to all "hang out together", he always lures DH away and gets him started on some kind of home improvement project which is generally unnecessary and then makes a mess and leaves me alone with the kids. Last weekend he convinced DH we needed to fix the grout in one of our bathrooms (which neither of them knows how to do) so that meant a trip for the two of them to a hardware store and they were gone for 2 hours, a huge mess, and tile that looks worse than it did before. When they are together they don't watch the kids at all or do kid friendly activities so that falls to me. I would love to leave them with the kids and go out myself, but BIL doesn't really want anything to do with them so it always ends in a disaster.

- BIL has a nice 3 bedroom house with a guest bedroom with a queen size bed. We also have a 3 bedroom house as well, with no spare bedrooms. When their parents come visit for a weekend once every 3 months, BIL refuses to let them stay at his house because he finds them annoying. So instead, their 70 year old parents have to sleep on an air mattress in our basement, or DH and I give them our bed and sleep on the air mattress.

- BIL smokes and I have asked him repeatedly not to smoke around our kids. He generally ignores that and I often find cigarette butts in our backyard (100% from him) which is really rude. He could at least pick them up. He says we need an ash tray - but why should I buy an ash tray when I asked him not to smoke on our property?

- when we do get together with BIL, many times we will either go to an early dinner on a Sunday night or bring in something to our place. BIL is a bit of a particular eater, but certainly not pickier than our kids, and always wants to dictate where we eat or what we order. He likes really spicy Thai food and always wants to go to one particular restaurant. Neither the kids or I really eat that, and it's always a battle to explain to him why we don't want to go there. We have offered for him to order in from there for himself but he pouts and gets mad. We also eat dinner early because of the kids, like 6pm, and BIL says it's too early and complains about it non-stop.[/quote]

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