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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]MIL here.  Your points are some of the same things we complained about with OUR MILs! And the generations before us, and so on and so on.   So I don't think that dynamic is ever going to change.

One thing that I have learned over the years, is that I don't think  my MIL was being as critical of me as I thought she was. And I wish I had good-naturedly embraced her fixing his favorite foods, indulged it even. We call them "comfort foods" now.  She called it "love".

Dietary and nutritional guidelines and recommendations change over the years as well. You can listen to and not act upon her recommendations. A nice vague response could be "that's interesting point, I'll ask the pediatrician about that".

No child is going to be ruined or scarred for life by allowing an occasional grandparent treat or indiscretion, dietary, or bedtime, or tooth brushing, or otherwise.  Kids are waaay to smart for that one.

This may seem like capitulation and work on your part, but it's not really.   You both love your husband and the children so make a jumping off point.

And BTW, the spoiled-by-the-husband wife of my generation is largely an urban myth. Only know of two of them and neither one is me! [/quote]

+1. You are a wise woman. I am not a MIL yet, but my MIL passed away and she accepted me so much and helped me so much, I am from Europe, she was born and raised in Colorado, wonderful woman. Passed away, sadly. My FIL is a bit more difficult, sexist and such, but I got the best advice from my DH about dealing with him, and that is just to avoid most topics.  He likes to provoke a lot and he likes drama, his own kids say this, he likes it so much, but goes around telling everybody how he doesn't like any issues or drama.  Now that I am older, I don't stress over it at all. Yes, I know young people might think we gave up, but we really didn't, we just got smarter and realized that these things are not worth a fight and grand kids not seeing their loving grandparents. One of the best times my DD has with grandpa is him taking her to a special deli and sweets shops, he buys her expensive lemonade and tons of cookies and they chat. She is a teen and I would like to think that the reason they get along so well, even though she is an independent young lady, and he thinks woman's place is in the kitchen, is that I never made a fuss about it, and told her to just get along and not to argue over everything, and she sees me doing the same. And, since we see him twice a year, all those cookies and cakes, really won't do her any harm, and yes, she know better than to eat sweets all day long. She knows grandpa is buying her all this more for himself than for her, and everybody is happy. As for your last statement, ditto on that, urban myth.  For me, for all my female friends, heck I don't know any woman who has a husband like that, but that might be because I am in my 40s.  My SIL divorced her DH, because he wasn't emotionally available..... not a cheater, not abusive, great earner, but he wasn't helping in the house and with the kids.  Worst decision of her life, she says that now, 12 years later, when she realized she was chasing a myth. But, I admit that I don't know how it is with people in their 20s, I hope that there is equality in house chores among them, it would be a welcome progress.[/quote]

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