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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]NP here.  This is a fascinating thread.

I'm in a marriage that is very pleasant, very calm, and very boring.  We have a great friendship and a non-existent sex life.  He will never give me some of what I hope - but perhaps the secret really does lie in me finding a way not to look for/hope for or expect those things from him.

I had been defining that as me giving up - which felt awful.  But if I reframe it then it might be a way for me to rethink the whole construct of my marriage.

Great food for thought.  Thanks all!![/quote]

I'm a np here too. It's definitely reframing the idea I once had about giving up. It's not that you don't care about the person, it's that you care about your own stuff, and allow space for his own decisions. And find happiness in a place where you don't need to agree on everything, or even most things. And maybe stand up for your own needs for once. Guys do this more easily, that's for sure.

I can see this working well for me. Would have done great for us..except now I find myself personally in a place where I am REALLY relying on my DH. He's a saint. And he knows I'll pick back up and be more independent after we get through a couple of months of stuff. But I will keep it in mind as it pertains to later in life. (We're happy being quite close, but I've seen the rising tension, and I think it's a good solution for our future).[/quote]

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