Reply to Stopping caring saved my marriage

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Stopping caring saved my marriage"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][b]When do you actually care what he thinks?  About what?[/b]

OP here. I care that he is a good father, responsible adult and a polite enough companion. I don't put up with disrespect, but I also have a very different line of what that is now. It's sort of like this -- if you can't talk to a coworker like this -- at least give me that minimum courtesy. I also looked at a lot of stuff and realized I just didn't care. I didn't need him to compliment a dinner I made that I loved. The fact that I loved it was enough. Who cares what he thinks. If he likes it, great. If not, it's too bad for him. It's things like that. I had a strong sense that I needed to keep my husband happy and pleased, which is impossible. No one can make another person happy. We can enjoy each other, but your bad day is your problem. Similarly, my husband is a bit of a complainer. I spent a lot of time trying solutions and worrying what he thought. Now, I just don't care if he doesn't like something or thinks the house is a mess or hates his job. He's a grown up and fix his own stuff. Find a new job. Eat something else. Clean up instead of talking about cleaning.

It was a huge reset because the time I spent being angry or hurt took up a lot of space. When they left, there was room for both of us to pursue our happiness within the bounds of reasonableness (common courtesy, etc).

[b]What kinds of decisions did you make consulting him before that you don't now?  [/b]

I ran everything by him. I still tell him things, but if it's not a major thing, I tend to just do that. For example, I am making dinner. If he doesn't like it, he is free to do whatever he likes. I'm a decent cook and he will most likely eat whatever I'm making. I'm not going to sit around and wait for a thank you. Ironically, when I stopped fishing for validation, I started getting it more and more. He's actually a much better spouse now that I stopped giving a shit about what he thinks most of the time.

[b]Do you have sex now?  [/b]

Mornings. Usually once or two a week depending on things.

[b]Are you worried DH has or will have an affair?
[/b]

No. I don't think it's really in the cards but who knows. If he had an affair, I'd probably have a different approach to the whole thing. The bedrock of my marriage is basic politeness. Like the kind you would extend a coworker. I've actually said that to him and he had an ah ha of his own. 
More questions to come.  Again, thank you.  If my marriage is going to be saved, this is the road to continue to go down.
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics