Reply to We offered to pay for my sister's kids to go to private

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Reply to "We offered to pay for my sister's kids to go to private — she refuses"

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[quote=Anonymous]My guess, as other said, is that the parents have suspicions about your assessment of them. That, and they may not see a problem with the school or value the alternatives. You are being very kind but maybe you just aren't offering what they want.

It is one thing to receive an offer of help to pay for private school, after confiding in a family member that you are worried about your local school and wish you could afford to go private.

It's another matter when you don't see any particular problem with your life, and a sibling calls you up offering to help solve a problem only *they* see with your situation.

Here's a more neutral example: My parents think we should live in a large suburban house. We do not. I prefer to live in a city, and I prefer no more space than I need. This is a personal and political preference that I have. If my parents, or another relative to whom my parents had spoken, phoned up and offered to "help me buy a suitable house" -- conveying clearly that they disapproved of my current home -- then I would turn them down flat. I would understand what they were trying to do, and I'd appreciate them for the effort. But come on: it is a humiliating conversation.

Perhaps you could try a different tactic: open a college fund for these kids, assuming that sooner or later they'll want to at least enroll in a state college, a trade school, community college, etc. From what you are suggesting they aren't going to be preparing applications to Middlebury. And, unlike offering to fix their current life, a college fund simply communicates faith in their future ability.

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