Reply to MIL's out-of-control spending

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here.  I understand the enabling part, I really do, but like most things in life, it's not quite that simple.  [b]When my husband and I first fell in love, and before we were married, he specifically told me that one of the things he would need to do is financially support his parents.[/b]  He did this as a way to warn me that this is a financial obligation he would have to take on and he wanted me to know this before we got married.  I respected my husband tremendously for his honestly, and 18 years later, I still respect his honestly and loyalty to both his parents but also to his wife and children.   He managed to leave a dysfunctional lower middle class household, put himself through college and law school, and we have both been blessed with financial success (I'm also a lawyer) but we work really hard for it.  As I mentioned in my original post, we can afford to help them out, but of course, within reason.  I am not really taking away from my own family to help the ILs if that makes sense.

However, it's still the principal of the thing.  We work very hard, we don't overspend, we do our best to help the IL's, and we were very responsible with not enabling her overspending.  This is why we set up a trust, with an estate lawyer's assistance after she burned us the first time.  All of the money we give them is controlled by the trust to pay their basic living expenses.   I understand even this may be enabling but we are not willing to watch his parents live in poverty or lose their house, so we helped.   However, as we just found out, a trust didn't prevent my MIL from applying for and receiving a credit card, enabling her to rack up thousands of more dollars in spending.  This is where I assume our help will stop.  I don't expect we will bail them out, but it is sad and painful to deal with this.  It kills me to see how disappointed and sad (as well as angry) he is in the face of his mother's total disregard and selfishness.  For those who had kind words, thanks for your feedback.  It really does just help to vent here.  The next couple of days with be rough for me as we are on vacation with the IL's and it's hard for me to even be around them I'm so disappointed and angry.  [/quote]
Did he warn you about his mother's spending problem? I guess it could have developed after you married, but the fact remains: The situation you were warned about has changed dramatically. Of course, it's up to you how to handle this. I know I couldn't go on supporting an irresponsible relative.

I say this as a daughter who fully expects to support her parents to the point of having the surviving parent move in with us. I completely understand your husband's obligations and respect his willingness to fulfill them. It's not common in these parts.
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