Reply to Spouse caring for ailing parent

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[quote=Anonymous]I totally understand how you feel, OP.  My ILs were local and DH is an only child.  His mother died within 5 years of being diagnosed with a pulmonary disease (we had 3 kids, oldest was 5).  His father had a massive stroke a year later, was wheelchair bound and died 3 years later.  It was hell and nearly ended our marriage.  DH was so consumed by caring for his parents that he had no time to care for us.  And, if this has been going on for 6 months, your FIL may be terminal but his death is not imminent.

It sounds like your DH may be wrapped up in 'process' of losing his father.  The example you gave of him deciding to stay without checking with you is unacceptable.  Yes, he needs to be supportive of his dad for his dad's sake and his own but he also has a family that needs support.  Dropping everything to run to his father is a luxury neither of you have.  You need to work this out together.  I know he gets angry when you bring it up but it's going to destroy your relationship.  Have you tried counseling?

Full disclosure - I've had a lot of death in my immediate family, including my father, a sibling and a nephew (all of illness).[/quote]

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