Reply to Feeling so guilty - Found out friend lied about break-up reason

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]As the victim in an abusive relationship, I would appreciate an apology all these years later.  Just don't try a sob story on me that tries to paint yourself as if only you had known you would have been supportive of me.

Acknowledge that you made a conscious choice to throw our friendship away and choose you friend without finding out my side of the story.

One of the most corrosive things about abuse is the secrecy of it and the gas lighting (when the abuser makes you try to feel as if it is your fault the relationship isn't working and that what he is doing is not abusive). If you came to me and said you had just found out about the abuse, and you are so sorry that you didn't support me and sorrier still that you didn't even bother to ask how I was, I would appreciate it, even all these years later.

I wouldn't be friends with you because your track record of friendship judgment sucks, but it would help me in some small way to know that another person knows the reality of the situation.  I certainly will never get that acknowledgement from my abuser.  
[/quote]

All of this, except I would consider being friends if we had otherwise been close. Though, probably not close friends.

In any case, OP, I think you should reach out, but just once and don't push it. Send a message so she isn't put on the spot by a phone call. [/quote]

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