Reply to Surprised to find that my kid is the problem student, not sure how to improve

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[quote=Anonymous]This is OP again. After some time to reflect I think I came across too harsh talking to DD so I talked to her again and told her that based on all evidence and everything she has done to this point I believe she is a good student, and that the teacher's comments don't seem to be merited by any of her actions and were therefore inappropriate.

I don't regret showing her the post, because forewarned is forearmed and I never want to keep things from my children or have them going into situations uninformed. Anything that is about them, concerns them, or will impact them, is something I feel that they have the right to know.

However I did make sure that she knows as long as she's doing her best in school and behaving well I am proud of that and I am not alright with adults & teachers treating her the way this teacher did, especially in public, because it is rude. I'm going to try to switch her out of that teacher's class, because I've spoken to a few parents of older students and apparently this teacher is somewhat known for having pets & scapegoats... if my DD is for no apparent reason already on her bad side and being trashed on social media (even if by mistake) that's not really an acceptable atmosphere for learning.

I also apologized to DD for my accusatory tone in our first discussion, and we had a very enlightening talk in which I found out that she often feels I am too hard on her and not seeing anything she does well -- so I will definitely be working on that. But she did say she understood why I asked everything I did at first since she has seen some of her classmates be real snots in school but have their parents convinced they're wonderful. Still, DD is a good kid and I want her to know that I'm proud of her so I need to take a hard look at how strict I am with my expectations and the ways in which I communicate. Try to highlight the positive, not only speak up when a problem needs to be addressed.

Man, the middle school years have been nothing but intense. I wish this parenting thing came with a manual or at least a guide for how not to screw up your kids by being either too permissive or too harsh. In worrying so much about not raising a bad kid, I may have been ignoring that I am raising a pretty good one.[/quote]

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