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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My husband is incapable of apologizing or understanding why someone is upset with him. If he drops the ball or messes up or forgets something, there is almost nothing I can do. He won't talk about, he'll become passive aggressive and infuriate me and nothing ever changes or gets better.

Try individual and couples counseling to try to get back on track. Dealing with a PA spouse is awful, and gets handed down from parent to kid to kid so beware.

I mention this angle because you are mentioned bad conflict resolution issues.[/quote]

People make mistakes, it does not need to be discussed, and an apology should not be needed. What is there to understand, except that people are human, they make mistakes and sometimes drop the ball.

You want to discuss every mistake and you need an apology?

:? [/quote]

NP,  an acknowledge is what I expect.   I am in this boat as PP.  Really make things worse when spouse doesn't say anything about his mistakes.  Say something...oh my fault,  I hear ya, ops, sorry.[/quote]

No. People do not have to say my fault. They know it is their fault, you know it is their fault. So what!

Hey kids you are 5 minutes late to practice, my fault.
Forms are not in on time, my fault.
I got the wrong 3 ring binder, my fault.
The hall light still does not have a bulb, my fault.
I forgot to get coffee, my fault

NO! Guess what, it will not kill you to be 5 minutes late, the forms will eventually  get there, and 1.5 inch ring instead of 1 inch is just something you will have to live with. Also, turn on the bathroom light and drink tea. Geez. You sound miserable to live with.

[/quote]

I grew up in a household where if you F'd up, you just said "Oops, I didn't do xyz right, I'll fix it now, won't happen again!"  And then we made sure it did not happen again. 
Same thing in my household now, if someone (kid or husband) is upset, we listen, validate their feelings and then work on a solution. 
Solutions only happen if you admit there was a mistake. 
No one is perfect, and to deny and avoid admitting a mishap is infantile and the wrong life skill to be living or teaching.  Worse, is to keep on making the same mistake. That quickly becomes a demonstration of disrespect and rudeness.  Try not to have bad habits, and if once you move away from home and your various roommates call you out on something (*gasp* there is a better way of doing something than Mommy showed me!), improve yourself![/quote]

It is not until we leave our family home and live with others that we realize how F'd up our childhood really was.

That is F'd up lady. You should go to individual counseling and find a way to let it go.

My kids spill a drink, they clean it up. No, "Oh I am sorry, let me admit my wrong doing and promise to never let it happen again". Guess what, it will happen again, BFD!

No one is perfect and to make each and every mistake an issue that must be discussed, validated and promised to NEVER happen again, is borderline OCD.

"[i]Worse, is to keep on making the same mistake[/i]"... really? You have never burnt the bread in the toaster twice, or over cooked the chicken twice. HOLY FING GOD! Your household sounds like living hell.

I lived with a crazy roommate like you once. When I moved out I lived with a normal person. I left my clothes in the washerr, she dried and folded them. (my old roommate would throw them in a basket and tell me if I had to wash twice enough times I would learn my lesson.) Guess what, next time I did laundry, if my roommate's clothes were in the washer... I ... wait for it... dried and folded them.

BANG! Mind Blown![/quote]

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