Reply to How did you work towards having a good co-parenting relationship with your ex?

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[quote=Anonymous]Solely written communication has really helped. If he starts he said/she said, I just refer to the earlier text or email. It's harder for him to bluster and rage when he sees written evidence I'm right. Handling things in writing also gives me a much needed delay to cool off if he's pushed my buttons. Sometimes I know my answer to a ridiculous request will be no, but I'll say that I need time to think about it or to consult my calendar. That way, he feels like I take all his requests seriously and value all his opinions. He has mental illness so he's very paranoid that he's being disregarded or disrespected. In return, I'm ultra polite if I have to ask him to switch a date, return a missing item, or check on a late CS payment. I apologize for bothering him and try to offer 2-3 options. Again, his ego really needs this and without a careful approach, he will start raging that I'm trying to control him. While a normal person would not flip over a text to please look for DC's hoodie, he sees this as a criticism and an attempt to interfere with his life. So I phrase it as "DC thinks the red hoodie is in your car. If you can't run out to peek for it right now, do you mind if we drive over to see if DC can spot it through the window?" He's so paranoid that he'd rather look for it himself than have us near his home outside of the schedule. 
It's all a lot of time and energy, but it has worked while other strategies didn't. Everything goes much smoother in terms of visits and finances this way.

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