Reply to Help me navigate this childcare situation with my husband

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]to all of the geniuses counseling divorce, what is this woman supposed to do when ExH has the kids during his 50% of the time and is too tired to take them to daycare, forgets to help with their homework, feeds them McDonalds all weekend, skips their sports practice because its too much of a pain for him, etc etc etc.  To the OP, I would say that if you can afford it and deal with another teenager besides your husband, maybe just get an au pair so you have somebody in the house and can just walk out the door when you need to in the morning.  I've done this for 11 years now and while not optimal, my husband is the father of my kids and he is not going to do drop offs or pick ups or any other child related necessity during the week.  The au pair has kept me sane, at least.  [/quote]

DH here.  I'm not counseling divorce, just commented that I knew someone who divorced over pretty much exactly this dynamic.  I'm with the people who say just start acting according to the original agreed to plan and let the chips fall.

But to your question about the what to do during the 50% of custody: nothing.  Drop the rope.  Stop being an enabler.  Let DH fail; let him fail as a father.  It's not her job to be both mother and father.  She could do that now without going through the divorce.  Yes, the child will suffer some for lack of an engaged father, but you know, mom can martyr herself trying to compensate and the kid is still going to have a disengaged father.  Life is hard and not fair.  Stop being a martyr and show your kid how to respond appropriately to hard and unfair (not taking it on like a martyr).

More likely what will happen when DH wakes up at 7:15 with Jr crawling all over him  or 7:30 and finds Jr plugged into the boob tube, DH will have an O Sh!t moment and will be late to work and inconvenienced...and mom will say "yeah, sucks, doesn't it".  It will be a teachable moment.  Jr. won't be significantly harmed by watching extra cartoons and eating too much cereal a couple of mornings while DH learns to get his act together.[/quote]

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