Reply to Husband won't let me comfort him. I don't know what to do.

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Reply to "Husband won't let me comfort him. I don't know what to do."

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm not trying to get him to grieve the way I think he should. If it were up to me he wouldn't be back at work yet because I think it's too much for him.
I was only doing and trying the things I know he enjoys and bring him comfort, and the things we discussed me doing.

[b]Last night I only went to the door and asked if he wanted to talk or if he wanted me to just sit with him.[/b]  That's it just the once and he came out , grabbed his keys, and sat in his car.

I only texted him once and all I said was " I love you and I'm here for you."

I do try and give him space, but it's like I can't talk to him or do the simplest thing without getting snapped at or brushed off.[/quote]

Wow, I'd have left too.  Why did you do that?   He's giving off every "leave me alone" vibe he can, and you offer him two choices, talk to you or be silent with you.  You're not getting it, op.  You're acting incredibly needy, at a time that the guy has nothing to give.  He needs to be alone.   He's very clearly telling you what he needs - give him that!!  Watch tv, go out with girlfriends, visit family - keep yourself very busy and stay out of his way.  [/quote]

Why are you attacking PP like that, for merely offering to sit with her spouse one month after he lost his mom? This is a difficult situation, and her DH had previously told her this might help him. It is hardly an egregious defense.

OP, I would leave him be for now but honestly, I don't know why PPs are coming down so hard on you for merely checking in with your DH from time to time.
I think it's just fine to do that. You are hardly being aggressive. You are his wife.

Does he have a history of depression, or did he have a complicated relationship with his mother?
I do agree that everyone grieves differently, but not being able to receive a word of comfort, a touch, seems a bit extreme to me (DH and I have both lost a parent so I am not without understanding). There is no timeline for grief but it concerns me that he has totally shut you out. He may very well need some help in the future. But I would give it some time.[/quote]

I've lost both parents. I know how he's feeling.  He went behind a closed door to cry and be alone.  Op is feeling useless. She wants to do *something* - I get that too.  But he's very clearly telling her what he needs and she's not hearing it.  He'll come out when he's ready.  He shouldn't have to be responsible for her feelings right now, and that's how he feels when she's continuously offering to help. [/quote]

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