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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here,

Wow thank you guys for all the advice and so quickly. What makes this sticky is I have had the hard convo with him, Monday night actually and the fire storm is on which is why I am here. He really is making it all about him. Both him and the OW swear up and down that they didn't have sex before their respective divorces but i know this is not true which adds to the situation. They literally divorced their spouses the same month.

I will answer some more of the pp thoughts and questions later today...has anyone been in this situation and had it work out well? Either by inviting everyone or just drawing the line in the sand like some mentioned?

I feel like if I cave I will not enjoy my wedding and hurt my mother and if I stick to my guns and he shows he will have a black cloud over him. If I stick to my guns and he doesn't show it would be very hurtful as well...[/quote]

I haven't been in exactly this situation. My parents divorced when I was 12. I got married when I was 27. They were both invited, and my mom came with her husband (who she'd married about a year before). They sat on opposite sides of the church and did not interact at all during the reception - like, not AT ALL. They didn't say one word to each other. We did not take family photos as my husband's parents have a similarly antagonistic dynamic. His stepmother is the classical definition of a wicked stepmother, and she does not participate in his life at all. He made it very clear to his father that stepmother was not invited to the wedding, full stop. His dad was not surprised, but I think he was a little bit disappointed.

I made it clear to all the parents - individually - that if there was any drama, everyone associated with the drama would get the boot. There wasn't any, but I was totally prepared to ask one or both of my parents to leave my own wedding if they couldn't act like adults. FIL know that "bringing stepmother" would count as drama, because my husband was explicit about it.

If I was in your position, I would tell your dad that you want both of your parents at your wedding, and that this woman is not one of your parents. She is not invited. If he chooses her over spending one evening with his son, then your relationship is already past the point of no return. The only up side to that will be that your mom will know 100% that you've got her back.[/quote]

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