Reply to Making the choice to stay after an EA

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP: EA means Emotional Affair. Nothing physical happened. It means I met someone, and he and I had a lightening bolt connection, and while acknowledged, we never acted on it. Let's just say that the EA did not happen in a bubble, and while I am not blaming my DH for my actions, it can be hard to constantly tell someone what you need and for them not listen to you. He knew what I needed in order to feel fulfilled and loved as a partner, and he chose to ignore it, and tell me that my needs were not important. We had the definition of an indifferent marriage for over a year. All the sudden when he found out about the EA, he changed his tune entirely- it's a little hard to believe that someone changes that fast. I am not blaming him for my actions at all. I did speak to another man in secret. I did keep that from him. It did hurt my DH, and I am remorseful about that. I was looking for validation in a way that wasn't healthy. I get that.

As for why stay? I do love my DH. I love my kids. I am willing to give this everything I have to make it work.[/quote]

And you chose to have an affair. Instead of acting on your feelings in another way.

You could have insisted on counseling?

You could have gone to therapy yourself. Which you still should do because you better believe you have something broken inside of you that needs fixing.

You could have asked for a separation.

You could have done any  number of things, but you chose to have an affair.

You will not get anywhere  or improve anything in a lasting way  until you own that choice completely.[/quote]

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