Reply to Having a hard time with 4yo and newborn

Forum Index » Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers

Reply to "Having a hard time with 4yo and newborn"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, sorry you're getting some crappy replies.

I had a just turned 4 year old and a newborn a few years ago and I had a nanny.

For the rest of the summer, I would focus on communicating to your older child what the plan is every day.  Talk her through exactly what is going to happen when.   Also, play up the idea that you and she are a team and together, you're going to help take care of baby and work together to have an awesome day.  I would tell my older one that he and I were in charge together.  My older one LOVED this.  He felt more involved that way.  "Sally, I need you to be part of my team to help us take care of baby.  Here's the plan.  This morning Nanny is going to take you to your music class.  Baby and I are going to meet you at X playground after your class is over and you can help me play with baby.  Because we're a team, right?  Then we're all going to come home and have lunch together.  After lunch, you'll get to watch a movie with Nanny while mommy and Baby take a nap.  Do you want to watch your movie at 1 or 1:30?"  Give the older kid some choices where you are ok with both choices.  Write it out on a poster board if you have to.  I'm also personally not above a little bribery.  "Sally, if you are a helpful part of our team today and stick to our plan, you, Nanny, Baby, and I can enjoy some popsicles after the movie in the back yard together." Or whatever she's into.  The older kid feels out of control.  She just needs to get her bearings.

I would also do more things with all four of you (nanny, baby, you, and older kid).  You can be with the baby AND be with the older kid.  It doesn't have to be so one-on-one.  You can be with both kids and the nanny is an extra pair of hands.

I also did a class alone with my older kid at the end of maternity leave so he would feel like he was getting some one-on-one time.

Good luck.[/quote]

This is great advice.  You can't close the door and not expect your 4 year old to feel some type of way. You have to include her.  You won't be able to get the same one on one time you got with your first. It just doesn't work that way.[/quote]

I am very puzzled by this comment. Even if there is an only child in the house, the parents should be able to close the door and have some adult time. You don't have to include a 4 y.o. But it precisely this type of thinking that creates weird dynamics when the 4 yo "FREAKS" (to quote the OP).[/quote]

This is not the same.  I am the person you are quoting, I have two children, and will absolutely close the door and send them to their room so that we can all relax.

Closing the door so that she can have alone time with her new baby is just going to create an unreal amount of resentment in her 4 year old.  It's actually REALLY unnecessary to do.  OP has handled this transition to two kids badly  (sorry, OP, I am not trying to pile on) wrt her 4 year old and is asking for help.  She has to include the 4 year old in this.  The baby who she wants to be with alone so badly isn't actually going to remember this.  The 4 year old will absolutely remember that her mom didn't want to be bothered with her when the new baby came.

Whether or not it is the "proper" reaction, or whether your child would behave this way is irrelevant.  This is what OP is dealing with right now and it is not uncommon.  The easy answer is to pull back on the alone time with baby and make sure to include the 4 year old.  Some of this behavior is to make sure she still matters. [/quote]

OP stated that she already spends 80% of the time with the older DD and the baby is unloaded on the nanny. What do you suggest exactly? To hand over the baby for 99% of the time? [/quote]

The PPs had some great suggestions on how to involve her.  Her reactions are typical of a jealous sibling.  [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics