Reply to How did STBX take it when you introduced kids to new SO?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Definitely not until the divorce is final.   However, if the person is someone the kids already know and regularly encounter, like the parent of a friend, it may be more damaging to try and hide it.

How old are the kids?  Is this an affair situation?[/quote]

Kida are in elementary school. Not an affair. Divorces can take a looooong time to finalize. That's my thinking, that it would be worse to keep it hidden for a long time and then introduce them and they find out it's been going on for a while.[/quote]

Also, to clarify, I was asking only about introducing them and maybe casually spending some time together occasionally, not about bringing the new SO into the home as a permanent fixture yet. [/quote]

This was so damaging for my kids.  Ex introduced kids to his "friend."  But, kids figured out quickly that this was not a "friend." So instead, the conclusion they drew was Dad was actually lying to them.  Then once he hit the year mark, Dad immediately switched to "we are engaged."  They got married 6 less than 6 months later.  Kids never had a chance to develop any kind of authentic relationship with stepmom.  By his actions, Ex made it clear to kids that he didn't care at all what they thought about the composition of their new family.

I don't think kids feelings or needs should be the sole dictator of what a parent does, but this kind of disingenuous description of a girlfriend coupled with the short timeline to marriage did a lot of damage.

IMO, the bottom line is that one shouldn't introduce kids to anyone one is dating until at least a year after divorce papers are signed.  Kids have enough to get adjusted to with the divorce and new custody arrangement.  Then you can introduce an SO, but plan on at least 2 years of increasing interactions between kids and SO before making any kind of marriage commitment or announcement. [/quote]

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