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[quote=Anonymous]
    Anonymous wrote:
    I agree with wine and laughter but can I add, as someone who is usually a high-sex DW but who mysteriously went through a dry spell, please try an additional thing. For some reason, and I can't explain, the longer the dry spell was, the weirder I felt about the whole thing and when my DH would aggressively make the move, it REALLY turned me off and made it worse. What I was craving, first, was non sexual physical touch, where it was plainly clear that no sex was expected. A therapist told us to try this. DH wouldn't/couldn't and our dry spell got worse. After the therapist suggested this for the uptenth time, he finally gave in and did it--just casual stuff... a big increase in hugs hello and goodbye or in the kitchen or whatever. Frequent sweet smooches (no tongue). Hand-holding at a movie date or walking around the neighborhood at night. Hugging in bed at night. Playing with my hair while we watched TV. The kind of stuff he would have done in the very beginning of our courtship. It remarkably worked on me. Maybe 8-9 days later and I couldn't keep my hands off him and I initiated when I was ready.

That's interesting. Did you feel any defensiveness to even the nonsexual touch (maybe fearing that it would lead to sexual touch?) I've tried to up the frequency of nonsexual touch with my wife and it either seems to not register or she finds it mildly annoying. Almost feels like I need to approach her with a sign that says, "I'M NOT TRYING TO BE SEXUAL WITH YOU."

This is the PP who wrote the paragraph above. YES. I definitely felt defensive, although in my case, I actually know that he was doing the nonsexual touching just to move to sexual touching since it always did every time. I know this sounds goofy, but try some communication with it. I know it might not seem real to you but find an opportunity to cuddle. And announce your intentions. Let's say you guys sit down to watch TV. Just say "hey, let's cuddle while we watch the show." And then... well, just cuddle. As much as you might want to, just take it slow. Hold her. Or stroke her hair. Or shoulder rub. But that's it.  Look. As a highly sexual woman, I get it. It sounds ridiculous. But I went through it. And if my man had only just exercised some patience and restraint, we could have solved the issue a lot quicker. [/quote]

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