Reply to How to come to terms with giving up, accepting you won't have children

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How does your dh feel?

You'll find it much easier to move on if you unite with each other and agree to move forward together and focus on the aspects of life (career, travel, hobbies, etc). If your dh is hesitant, then it's going to be too hard to get over it. There will be this nagging and fleeting thoughts.[/quote]

My DH is at peace with it. Like me, he was always ambivalent about having kids.  He also is on the same page about not doing IVF.  We are both confident we don't want to.  I don't want to go into them, but we have good reasons.  No, they are not religious.

He is ready to move forward.  I think I am, too.  I find the judgment and the societal pressure the most difficult, but I think that is directed more at women anyhow.  My husband never hears people say that a man is not fully a man unless he has kids.  But I'm bombarded constantly with the message that I'm not fully a woman unless I am a mother and that I'm supposed to do everything possible (no matter what physical or emotional toll it takes on me) in order to achieve that and only then am I allowed to move on.

The doctor pushed IVF hard, even knowing that that might not even work.

We were at a friend's kid's event, and I overheard one of the other fathers ask my husband if he had kids.  My husband said no, and the other guy, the father, blurted out "good for you."  It wasn't said in a snarky way.  But when women ask me if I have kids, they give me a kind of, "oh, sorry, dear," kind of expression.

If nothing else, this thread has helped me realize how ready I am to move forward and how what has really been stopping me isn't that I don't think I can be happy without children (because I actually do think I can be happy without children) but that I feel like somehow society deems me as lesser because I don't have them.[/quote]

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